Mom in Cancerland

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Don't get too comfortable....

Cancer always has it's own agenda. Always. Just when you get a little confidence to relax a little, make plans and think just for a second that you can live with this thing. Wham! Hit with the big cancer stick again and this time almost knocked off the ledge I've been standing on. I thought I was doing fine in my clinical trial at Dana Farber. I mean, I was supposed to be getting a super duper new state of the art and uber expensive drug along with the regular treatment. How could my stupid cancer outsmart all that? Well, it did big time. Sat in Dr. P's office on 4/6/09 waiting for results of my latest scans expecting to pass with flying colors. There's no mistaking that slow walk into the room and the sad expression on your docs face. She didn't need to say anything. Once again, my world was shattered. Cancer spreading everywhere and my kidneys being squeezed to boot just to add some more drama. So there I found my self alone trying to summon the courage to call David and my family. Fast forward an hour later sitting in the chemo chair again. How did this happen?? How did I get here? Why am I here?
New treatment includes another super duper new expensive drug called Avastin with taxol. Everyone is of course hopeful it will do the trick. But...aren't they always when you start something new. And did I mention, I already did taxol almost 5 years ago when I was first diagnosed. Five years later and I'm getting the SAME drug?? Thanks war on cancer. It's going great.